if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
