and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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