god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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