he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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