Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
