thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
