My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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