Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
