Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
