took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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