Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
