I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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