College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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