Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
