I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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