I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
