I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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