Kareoke will never be a sober sport
smell my finger.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
