plz talk dirty to me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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