I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
