I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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