A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
