Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
