I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Boobs speak an international language.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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