Acid is not a monday night drug
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you had me at cake vodka
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
