Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize