its not stalking. its research.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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