you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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