grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
