Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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