fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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