Christians are straight up FREAKS
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
