i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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