Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
