PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
