I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
