why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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