Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
