those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
