put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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