I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
