I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
