it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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