i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
