walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
