The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
