the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
