clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
