i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize