My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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