Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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