90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
