I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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