I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
