covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
