what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize