I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
