I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
