my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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