Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
