My first STD was from a foam party
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
