sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
