and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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