....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i dont even know how to be here
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
