is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
