Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize