I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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