Nicole vs. Life
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
