As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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