Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
