it wasn't lemon gatorade
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
