I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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