So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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