hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize