the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Nothing says āI spent too much in Vegasā quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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