if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my liver is dry heaving
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
