sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
