Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
